Delusions
by Wanderer D
Summary: A short fun-fic I wrote a while back. Not to be taken too seriously...


A/N: This is mostly to get it out of my chest the way I see it, some might like it, most will not, maybe someone will even find it funny... :p I might get some people annoyed. I grew tired of the sense of self-importance some characters had in HP, so I had to post this at the FFML a while ago...

Disclaimer: ALL of the characters belong to their rightful owners.

**Delusions  
By Wanderer D**

Through an unexpected twist of fate, to long and complicated and involved to include in this short story, Voldemort, Harry Potter, Hermione and Ron had been separated from the main group of fighters in Hogwards and were now circling around, looking for the gap that would prove fatal for any of the four wizards.

"Ron, Hermione, you have to step back and bear silent witness to my fight with Voldemort." Harry said, stopping and motioning them back with his free hand, as his wand pointed steadily at the evil wizard.

"But Harry! He has the Elder Wand! The last of the Hallows! You cannot beat him!" Hermione almost took a step forward, but Ron held her back.

"I know! But I am the only one who can stop him! He's the most powerful enemy we'll ever face! It has to be me! The prophecy said so!" Harry risked a quick glance back. "I am the boy who lived! I am the one!"

Voldemort laughed dragging the eyes of his friends to the reptilian face. "It now boils down to the two of us, Harry Potter! The boy who lived! The one to defeat me! Bah!"

"All my life, I've been looking forward to this, Voldemort! I knew that no-one else could defeat you but me! Not, Professor Dumbledore, not Lupin, Snape, or even (sob) Sirius!"

Voldemort chuckled. "And you are no different."

Immediately both wizards twirled their wands expertly.

"Avada-"

"Expell-"

"STOP!" a voice shouted, dragging the words of the spells away from the open mouths of the combatants.

"Blimey! Bloody Hell!" Ron said, gasping intelligently at the man that had stormed into the room.

"But..." Voldemort's mouth opened and closed as Harry stared.

"Professor Dumbledore?" Hermione's voice was weak.

"But you're dead! I saw you die!" Harry stepped back.

"But you're dead! I saw your body!" Voldemort shouted.

The lightning-scarred youth and the snake-like wizard glared at each other before turning their gazes back to the entrance, where Professor Dumbledore slowly made his way down.

"I was!" Professor Dumbledore grumbled. "Until a stray fireball landed in my coffin and burned my body to a crisp. My pet was a damned Phoenix, you do the math!"

"You seem to be in a bad mood for someone that was just brought back from the death." Ron pointed out as he hid behind Hermione.

"I wouldn't be if this idiot," he pointed at Harry with a trembling finger. "Actually listened to me and got help when needed instead of randomly charging ahead like a fool!"

"But I am the one!" Harry said. "You said so yourself in that empty train station!"

"I didn't say you couldn't rely on your friends to survive." The old wizard said. "Anyway, I have devised a way to punish Voldemort appropriately while teaching you both a bit of humility."

At that comment Voldemort's wand came up defensively. "I'd like to see you try, Professor Dumbledore!" His eyes widened as Professor Dumbledore pulled out not a wand, but an amulet. "That... that's impossible! It's a myth! Nothing more than the ramblings of a crazy German!"

The three young wizards stared at the small amulet held in Professor Dumbledore's hands. Two snakes, one darker than night one brighter than white twirled around in an 8-like figure, each eating the other's tail.

"This *is* the Auryn!" Professor Dumbledore said. "And you will find it more than a myth!"

"No!" Voldemort rampaged, twirling his wand. "Avera-"

The Auryn flashed and Voldemort was no more.

Harry blinked. "But... I am the boy who lived I'm the only one who can kill Voldemort!"

"Yes, yes, now, come over here." Professor Dumbledore muttered as with a quick flick of his own wand a large mirror appeared in the room. "Now, Harry, I have been patient with you, but you have not learned humility in all the time you've had your ass handed back to you only to be constantly saved by your friends and random luck."

"But I am the one! In the prophecy! I couldn't die before defeating Voldemort!" Harry said.

"Yeah, Voldemort was afraid of Harry!" Ron said. "The boy who lived was the one supposed to kill him!"

Hermione sighed and shook her head. "What do you want to show us, Professor Dumbledore?"

The old wizard nodded at her. "Look into the mirror and see how small a villain Voldemort truly is..."

"But he's the greatest threat to the universe!" Harry whined.

"Shut up and watch!" Professor Dumbledore shouted.

o.0.o

Voldemort woke up lying on sand. He groggily got to his knees, and picked up his wand before standing up.

Before him, a man covered completely in bandages and wearing some sort of blue clothes over them with a hand resting comfortably on his sheathed sword observed him impassively.

"Where am I?" Voldemort demanded, shaking his head to clear the jumbled thoughts in his mind.

"You are in my hideout. And before I kill you I would know who you are and how you got here." The man answered.

Voldemort sneered. "I don't have to answer to you, muggle! You will tell me how to get back to Hogwarts before you die." He pointed his wand towards the man, and was about to yell 'Crucio' when he suddenly noticed the wand sliding into two halves. He noticed the man suddenly had a serrated sword in his hand and was staring at Voldemort with what the wizard could swear was fire instead of eyes.

"I see you don't know where you came from, or how. I do not care to learn your name now, useless gaijin. Scream it to the demons of hell and tell them Shishio sent you there."

"But..." Voldemort mumbled smartly, earning a glance from Shishio. "You're a muggle! I'm Voldemort the most powerful..."

o.0.o

Back at the room with the mirror Hermione blanched as Harry looked in morbid fascination as Voldemort exploded into little bits of flesh and blood which erupted into flames from a lightning-fast movement by the bandaged man. He ignored Ron throwing up next to his shoes.

"But how? Voldemort is a wizard! No muggle can defeat him!" Harry shouted.

Hermione stopped patting Ron on the back and stared at Harry.

Professor Dumbledore shook his head. "Just keep watching."

o.0.o

Voldemort sat bolt-upright on the ground, breathing fast, a horrified look in his eyes as he quickly checked himself. He was complete. His wand was in one piece. He sighed in relief and was about to call Nagini for a hug when he noticed he was not in his room. He was sitting in the middle of a road in one of the many muggle cities.

He stood up slowly, looking around as people fled in fear. For a moment he smiled evilly, as muggles fell to the floor and stepped over each other in a blind panic.

He recognized the people as coming from the east. He grinned and pointed his wand at a random person shouting something unintelligible and was about to blast him when a dark shadow covered him.

The deafening roar as the buildings around him exploded made him turn around, battle-ready and he looked up. And up. And up at the giant reptilian foot that came down over him.

o.0.o

Ron again lurched, falling on his knees and this time managing to hit Harry's shoes.

"It can't be! Voldemort can't lose to a giant lizard!" he moaned as the lizard scrapped its paw free of the remains of the former wizard. "The prophecy says..."

o.0.o

Voldemort opened his eyes, remembering the feeling of being squashed into a pancake. He breathed in slowly, taking in the familiar smells of books, and ingredients and the distinctive feel of magic around him before opening his eyes.

He was in a poorly lit laboratory, with hundreds upon hundreds of magic books. The skull of a giant dragon of some unknown species hung over the huge desk with splotches of what could only be dried blood.

He felt right at home as he started to read the titles of some of the books, amazed at their age and his lack of knowledge about them.

"How did you find your way here?" a whispering voice asked, making the wizard twirl in place, pointing his wand defensively at the black-cloaked figure that had suddenly appeared behind him or had it always been there?

"I am Voldemort, simpleton!" the snake-wizard answered testily. "Surely you have heard of me and come to fear my name!"

The figure didn't respond, merely stepping into the light, his staff gently tapping with each step he took until he was standing a few feet away from Voldemort. The latter found his eyes transfixed by the golden irises and hourglass-pupils that seemed to glow with their own light from within the cloak. "I haven't heard of you." The whispering voice said.

Voldemort couldn't speak as cold sweat slowly spread all through his body as the cloaked man pointed a finger at him.

"KILL."

o.0.o

Harry and Ron watched unnerved as Voldemort suddenly plopped down dead.

"Um" Harry ventured before Hermione elbowed him.

"Eh... I am the one to..."

Professor Dumbledore sighed loudly and poked the mirror... it blurred and they could see Voldemort in yet another place.

o.0.o

"Look into my eyes!" Said Ghost Rider before enveloping the screaming man in hellfire.

o.0.o

"Chidori!"

SPLAT!

"Damn. This one isn't Orochimaru,,," Kakashi said looking at the remains. "Oops."

o.0.o

"Avada- SPLURCH!"

Doomsday carried on with his rampage.

o.0.o

"Ha! A mere dragon is no challenge for" Voldemort turned around to see what the black dragon was staring at in horrified fascination just as his eyes were burnt out of his skull followed by the rest of his body along with the dragon. He could only scream like a little girl for half a second.

"Oi, Lina! I swear I saw someone on the blast zone before it hit!" Zelgadis shouted as he ran after Lina and Gourry.

o.0.o

"..." Haplo looked from the wand pointed at him to the human wizard with snake skin. "You have got

to be kidding, mench."

"DIE! AVADA KEDAVRA!" Voldemort shouted in glee as the green flash slammed against the tattooed man. His mirth subsided to a groan as his only victory so far stood up with a slight discomfort from his glowing tattoos and a very angry glare.

o.0.o

"Moon Healing Escalation!"

"AAAaaaarghhh"

Usagi stared at the remains before looking at the other senshi. "I swore he was possessed!"

o.0.o

"Final Flash!"

o.0.o

Meanwhile, under Hogwards...

"I... I'm the one. The one that lived... the one that has the only chance of defeating him"

o.0.o

"Hm

I'm sorry about that sir, you had the bad luck to interrupt a fight between Ranma and Ryouga..." Dr. Tofu said, slowly arranging Voldemort's arms while the wizard sobbed, looking at the fried remains of his wand.

The door to the clinic opened and a cheery voice was heard as soon as it closed.

"Hello, Dr. Tofu! I brought you a home-made bento!" Kasumi said.

o.0.o

After several more gross deaths, Professor Dumbledore finally recalled Voldemort back.

The snake-wizard stumbled to the ground, mouth opening and closing around frothing drool, his eyes

wide, shaking hand barely even making an effort to hold the wand up as his knees slowly gave under him.

"Expelliarmus!" Harry shouted, pointing his wand in his direction. The Elder Wand shot up in the air, bounced off the wall, landed on the floor and accidentally shot out the last used spell, the green blast hitting Voldemort on the head.

As the body fell forward, Harry jumped.

"YES! YEEES! The boy who lived does it again! YES! I TOLD YOU!" he turned pointing a shaking

finger at Professor Dumbledore, eyes wide a grin on his face distorting the emo look he had fought so hard to gain. "But you wouldn't believe me! I was the only one who could! THE ONE! THE BOY WHO-"

"STUPEFY!" Hermione shouted, the red blast hitting Harry between the eyes.

Professor Dumbledore watched his student crumble to the floor, where Ron hurriedly knelt down to shake him and try to revive him while swearing how cool Harry was.

Albus and Hermione shared a look.

o.0.o

Amongst the cheers of the survivors at seeing Harry Potter, a wide, manic grin on his face, shaking both wands in the air and announcing his victory over the dreadful Voldemort – the crowds watched in amazed pleasure as the body was dragged behind him by Hagrid – and the enemies fled in horror, Ron finally found Dumbledore.

"Professor Dumbledore, have you seen Hermione around?"

"I'm sorry Ron, go bother that idiot over there." He waved his hand in Harry's direction. "I can't seem to find the Auryn."

o.0.o

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?" Hermione insisted following the man around his study and out into the spiral stairs that went down in to the dark depths of the tower.

"No."

"Awww come on!" she moaned. "I promise to study hard! Please! Please!"

"No. You do not belong here."

"But... I could! Please be my teacher! I want to be a real witch!"

The man stopped and Hermione almost fell as she tried not to slam into the black-cloaked wizard. He seemed to sigh.

"Fine. But you will become a wizard or a mage. I will not have any of that 'witch' nonsense here."

Hermione nodded rapidly a smile creeping into her face.

The man coughed slightly. "Let me introduce you to my other apprentice... Dalamar."

**The End**


End file.
